Perspectives of Love
[ I changed the second message a lot to make it more generic and to 'protect the innocent' but it's the basic idea ]
-----Original Message-----
From: Gabe L
Sent: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 12:22 PM
To: '*********'
Subject: RE: Interesting..............
[...]
What has he done (or neglected to do) to make you feel this way?
-----Original Message-----
From: **** [mailto:******@*******.com]
Sent: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 1:30 PM
To: 'Gabe L'
Subject: RE: Interesting..............
There isn’t one thing in general, it is just that he doesn’t make me feel loved or needed. [...] I feel like something is missing on his part. [...] He says I should know how he feels without him having to tell me and just the fact that he is always with me should be enough for me to know how he feels.
[...]
I am the kind of person who has to know what the other person is thinking, feeling, etc. So we are just opposites in that respect. He says he is working on it. But I haven’t seen any changes. Maybe I am being stupid.
-----Original Message-----
From: Gabe L
Sent: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 2:33 PM
To: '*******'
Subject: RE: Interesting..............
I think part of the problem is he is expecting you to understand and see his love from his perspective and ‘reality’ – being around you 24/7 may be a huge thing for him. Wanting to be around someone that much may be a thing he’s never felt or wanted before and to him that’s love and his expression of it. However, to you, that’s a normal thing, nothing special...
Same goes for you. The way you feel and express love is through much more direct, romantic, and intense means – staring into each others eyes in a candle lit room whispering how crazy in love with him you are... To you, from your perspective, something like that is probably an incredibly beautiful thing and expression of love, but to him it may just be words... He may think you love him not because you tell him, but because you are spending so much time with him.
So you’re not being stupid by any means, it just seems like your concepts and expressions of love and loving another person are very different, or like you said opposites. What can you do about that? That’s the hard part... I think you and him simply have to talk about it. Especially since it’s been a problem since your relationship began, but more importantly, it’s making you unhappy – THAT is what he should care about. I know that’s one of his least favorite things to do, but communication about those kind of things is way too important to brush it aside because it maybe be uncomfortable.
-----Original Message-----
From: Gabe L
Sent: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 12:22 PM
To: '*********'
Subject: RE: Interesting..............
[...]
What has he done (or neglected to do) to make you feel this way?
-----Original Message-----
From: **** [mailto:******@*******.com]
Sent: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 1:30 PM
To: 'Gabe L'
Subject: RE: Interesting..............
There isn’t one thing in general, it is just that he doesn’t make me feel loved or needed. [...] I feel like something is missing on his part. [...] He says I should know how he feels without him having to tell me and just the fact that he is always with me should be enough for me to know how he feels.
[...]
I am the kind of person who has to know what the other person is thinking, feeling, etc. So we are just opposites in that respect. He says he is working on it. But I haven’t seen any changes. Maybe I am being stupid.
-----Original Message-----
From: Gabe L
Sent: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 2:33 PM
To: '*******'
Subject: RE: Interesting..............
I think part of the problem is he is expecting you to understand and see his love from his perspective and ‘reality’ – being around you 24/7 may be a huge thing for him. Wanting to be around someone that much may be a thing he’s never felt or wanted before and to him that’s love and his expression of it. However, to you, that’s a normal thing, nothing special...
Same goes for you. The way you feel and express love is through much more direct, romantic, and intense means – staring into each others eyes in a candle lit room whispering how crazy in love with him you are... To you, from your perspective, something like that is probably an incredibly beautiful thing and expression of love, but to him it may just be words... He may think you love him not because you tell him, but because you are spending so much time with him.
So you’re not being stupid by any means, it just seems like your concepts and expressions of love and loving another person are very different, or like you said opposites. What can you do about that? That’s the hard part... I think you and him simply have to talk about it. Especially since it’s been a problem since your relationship began, but more importantly, it’s making you unhappy – THAT is what he should care about. I know that’s one of his least favorite things to do, but communication about those kind of things is way too important to brush it aside because it maybe be uncomfortable.
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